Of life and legend

With a week away on training courses beckoning, I spent the weekend getting in plenty of riding. In this I succeeded.

That was not all. I also caught another episode of Camelot. I suppose that anything vaguely based on the local mythology can be expected to catch my attention. The series may be pure historical fantasy, but then the Arthurian legends began as literature drawn from folklore with little basis in actual people or events. However it is a gripping tale of human hopes and failings - the duality of character - against a backdrop of the moral code of chivalry.

The superbly dark, erotic character of Morgan - a woman capable yet flawed, intelligent yet unable to see truth - whispered a cunning greeting to my anima. The energy of such a character is intoxicating.

I keep a picture of Tolkien's Aredhel on my desk to remind me that the anima unchecked can be a fickle, divisive bitch. Of this fact I need reminding.

One night I dreamt of searching for an old woman in a run-down city – a place reminiscent of the back-streets of Transylvanian Cluj (or Kolozvar / Klausenburg depending upon one's allegiance) where once I lived – looking into one eccentric shabby apartment after another without finding her. Where is she, and what does she symbolise? Somehow she possesses some special knowledge, and also holds something of mine that I want.

Now it’s come to me. Within my unconscious I’m looking for my mature anima. I’m searching for the wise old woman who is stable, deep and intelligent - or, rather, trying to nurture her spirit within.

Up to now my anima has been rather of the sort with an over-developed Eros - here I am thinking of Jung's archetypes - immature, sexual, flighty and judgemental whilst possessed of energy, creativity and intuition. Typical of this archetypal image she balances positive and negative. She will, if given free rein, descend into bitchiness and division. She likes some women but detests others - those akin to her and, I suspect, better at it. Men who are leaders or just open-minded and creative she is attracted to, whilst despising the negative-minded and impatient with the plain dull. What a burden she can be to carry, and what joy she promises.

Perhaps I am looking for a role model. If so them I may find one more readily in fable than in reality, though I remain hopeful that either or both will yield something. Myths, of course, provide instructive examples of essentially good people secumbing to their own inner darkness or that of others. On reflection in my own storytelling I have written about wise old women who tend towards being role models and, at an intuitive level, in fiction I recognised them as such.

Neither Aredhel nor Morgan is a remotely suitable role model. Of course not. I've made that mistake in a tempting yet seriously misjudged marriage too. I should know better by now.

So I shall keep on searching, learning, creating and nurturing that a good mature anima might bless me. Just as I keep Brena in check when she snatches at vegetation, so also I shall try to keep the anima's wilder and less helpful excursions in check. This is quite a balancing act. It is a matter of maintaining equilibrium as I haul a burden up a steep, rocky slope. I just hope that a resting place will appear when I need it, and that good companions will join me along the trail.

Comments

[Horseideology]

Just some thoughts and ideas which you can discard if they don't fit with you.... I've been thinking about your posts about needing an anima or female archetype and I've wondered if you have tried any sort of meditation? Miles has used his spirit journeys very successfully towards this end... think of it as a waking dream, allowing images to come naturally to you - which as a writer I know you have that intuition to draw upon.

You don't have to leave this entirely to your dreams to sort out but can give them a nudge. I've found dreaming in the morning is the best time to influence dreams. I don't pull them away from their general intent, but for example if I have dream where I am drowning, I can push the dream into a direction where I am swimming.

Another option would be to choose your own mentors from real or imagined people. One of mine is your Elizabeth the I.

While I commend you for looking to your dreams, you can also be more proactive. :)

[White Horse Pilgrim]

Becky: that is interesting and imaginative. I know what you mean by a waking dream, however I haven't made enough effort to steer these. Therefore they tend to spiral downward. I will try to direct them towards more positive outcomes. That may be quite a big lesson for me. Analysis is good, but action may be needed too.

I would like to find a good mentor. I haven't been successful amongst people living and accessible. Those who have passed away may be better, and perhaps I could choose our local King Alfred who weathered so many struggles and yet grew and drew up others around him. So you have given me a gentle push in a good direction - thank you.