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January 13, 2010

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horseideology

I enjoyed Avatar and glad to see some QUALITY films being made in my most favorite reading genre - fantasy. I plan on seeing it again Sat. with my son and his friends. However, I didn't leave it all depressed... these people need to get a grip!

We've got the Pope badmouthing the movie, and we have the Conservative Christian Right freaking out about the movie... which just further reinstates how out of touch both are with the general public. And the Catholics wonder why their religion is on a decline in the U.S.? Wake up and get a grip!

I like living in two worlds - it feeds my dual nature. The one that likes to stay busy, get things done, have accomplishments; and the other which prefers to seek spiritual enlightenment, connect with my animals and nature. Or maybe I'm just bi-polar?

Anyway I owe you a long email so I will try to get to that today in re: to your stories. Keep writing and dreaming! Even an engineer needs dreams, as inventors have shown over and over again.

PS personally I was more sad to leave Sherlock Holmes because I have been a Holmes fan since I was EIGHT! and Watson was kickass!

White Horse Pilgrim

Yes, it is good to see some quality films out there. Holmes was good too, and it was amusing to see him so deconstructed into an eccentric genius. Mrs Watson looked like quite a character too.

Well hasn't the Pope got a cheek, what with all the misdeeds of his organisation to cover up. Didn't look like there was much child abuse on Pandora, did it? And the religious right too? What do they want - more CS Lewis films? Do they moan every time a super-violent Rambo-esque flick appears? I can just imagine the neo-Protestant Pandora, where all the women wear long skirts and keep their mouths shut, and the white men take what they want - but redeem themselves by building a chapel for the natives. I'd better stop.

Duality is hard to live with. Do you find that you feel different to other people? If so, have you always felt that way? I do, and have for as long as I remember - for years this disturbed me. Transylvania was good because I was different, that was a fact and it became a bit of a license to be eccentric, at least until life became rather more serious.

Now I have compartmentalise aspects of life more rigorously than for years previously. But I do love to allow my imagination free rein in creating new places and worlds. That does seem to temper naked ambition, which would otherwise spoil the world of work - adding a balance that makes success at work a less serious goal. By that I mean that I'm happy being in the top 20% rather than the top 10%, for I have much catching up to do after a decade in the sticks.

horseideology

Hm well I've always been an oddball, J. That also tormented me when I was a teen and some in college - my agenda was never age appropriate; what I thought never the status quo. So nothing has changed :D except I don't care what anyone thinks anymore!

In my family, my behavior has never been predictable, though I have always found it easy to figure me out. I'm like Horton in Dr. Seuss' tale: I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.

I think this is why, people who know me, even a little in real life, are hesitant to cross me. I wouldn't say they fear me, (well maybe some do, really I do't know why because I am a pacifist!) but they know that I might take steps and when I can be totally ruthless and focused in my retribution.

For instance, I feel I am rather a lenient and understanding parent, but boundaries are boundaries, and when my teen son overstepped one (a HUGE one) right before Christmas there was hell to pay. He fessed up quickly though facing down two angry parents was surely daunting, but he knew there would be worse - I stand by my moral compass and punishment is swift, yet fair.

I was able to accept me after hooking up with hubby. He likes all my eccentric ways, my Protestant work ethic where pleasure is evil amuses him. My scathing tirades about hypocrites and liars, gives him a vicarious pleasure because he would never be in people's faces like I am. He likes my cynicism but doesn't share it. So having a partner that appreciates all facets does help a lot.

What I do find is that when I interact with most people, I have full shields up and engaged. My inner thoughts are no longer voiced. I listen more then I advise. I keep myself to myself. This is because I have learned these last 10 years that people will latch onto me and suck me dry to suit their own needs.

I didn't listen to those warning voices 18 months ago and so you know what happened. I won't let that happen ever again. I've grown more predatory and carnivorous in my nature.

White Horse Pilgrim

Well then we are both oddballs. A work ethic where pleasure is evil, I can relate to that - always have to be doing something. Of course writing and thinking count as work.

How important it is to be accepted as one is. I know what it is like to be married to one who wouldn't accept any eccentricity. That after parents whose opinions were reactionary and blinkered, and who simply denied there was any problem when plainly I needed help for depression. I find it hard to forgive any of them. Maybe writing Sketches will help me?

I have learnt to stand my ground more, and to say what I think (albeit with enough diplomacy to avoid needless conflict). That's got me out of one hole at work lately when someone tried to allocate a whole lot of extra stuff to me - and did not succeed. I do my work in my own way, which may be eccentric but it delivers the goods.

We have both been sucked dry over the past decade, in different ways and by different types of people, but drained nonetheless. It is good, indeed lifesaving, to have shed mistaken ways and false hope in human nature.

I've decided that I am a Saxon (or Viking) rather than a Celt. The Celts, like the Scots and Irish, tend to be occupied with their families. I am frustrated by mine, whether my mother's reactionary views and serial poor decisions or my sister's trailer trash life and spongeing for money. I feel little desire to see any of them anytime soon. My Old Soul too feels akin to others, at this time and way back in the past. For me, the present is a transient thing, eternity and enlightenment being the real goals.

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