Reflection

Here's another image full of meaning for me. I expect that Ariella will remember such scenes too. I used to ride out a lot with Cornel. Here he is, a man who never received a single formal riding lesson, comfortable and secure on a Huzul mare. We were up visiting the shepherds that day, which was 14 May 2004.

The picture sums up much about our intertwined lives and the things that we did together. There were many miles on the trail and countless hours with horses. We were the first to run a business of that kind in Transylvania: pioneers and experimenters. Intuition tells me that these characteristics will continue to see use.

I've spent a couple of days away on the second and final phase of a personal development course, which is why there have been no posts for a few days. This is something that my employer provides for selected managers. It's been an interesting time for reflection and for the gaining of feedback.

In general nothing about this should have surprised me. The course itself is, in my opinion, rather one-size-fits-all. Most participants gain something, a few nothing, and the occasional one doesn't see the point of it. I went there first time seeking a lot - more that the process was geared up to give. Being stubborn, I pushed myself using a forced meditation technique that proved a little more disturbing than anticipated. That was just the sort of 'shock' that Jung noted as a catalyst for growth. However I hadn't read that far in his works, and was acting on intuition. I had directed myself along a hard trail.

Months of study and therapy have explained that intuition, and much more. They have allowed the Shadow to be integrated, the Anima in part too. Acceptance of the Wise Old Man is underway. I went back with a more rounded personality and greater wisdom.

Unsurprisingly, feedback was that I am an unusual individual filled with peculiar but often insightful experience. For a while I had pretended that I am really quite "normal" but with an eccentric streak. Now I have been disbursed of that convenient fiction. There shall be no peace for me yet.

This points me towards a career path that won't be run-of-the-mill. What that might be is not clear. The idea of a vision quest came to me a few days ago. It won't be the first. Back in 1994 I spent two months on a horseback journey across Transylvania and Moldavia. Slowly but surely the experiences of that journey led to eight years in the depths of the Carpathian mountains. Now the time for another vision quest is approaching. On this occasion the question might revolve more around what to do than where to go. Answers may reflect what I have to learn rather than what place I should live. Indeed the quest might not be a physical journey at all, but rather the writing of a book.

That book has been looming. It details the aftermath of that first informal and hitherto unrecognised vision quest - not just eight years in Transylvania but a journey towards wholeness. There was beauty in those mountains, and a few shattering shocks too. All of these prepared me for a healing process, a gaining of wisdom, and a growth in stature. This is ongoing, of course. The quest, it seems, may be to record and understand what has happened in order to build the foundations of my future - and provide a gift of learning for others.

The fact that structure for the book has proven elusive tells me that its time is not quite ripe. Difficulty infers that success will be meaningful. The sheer volume of material implies that I have much to learn. I am excited, nervous, keen and yet staying my hand until the moment seems right.

Comments

[lytha]

your reminiscings are like mine.

same time frame. 2000-2007.

same wilderness, except not the same.

except yours is something you don't completely, overwhelmingly long to return to.

i think?

[White Horse Pilgrim]

I'd like to go back to the mountains. I'd like to ride out with some of the same people. There are places I never did get to explore that I would like to visit.

But I don't long to return to a country with a broken economy where it is very difficult to make an honest living. Now would it be easy to live amongst people with a dark collective unconscious (not that where I live now does well on that score either).

I've moved on. A part of that is becoming more philosophical. It's about not holding a grudge or blaming others for behaving according to their culture. That place was a stepping stone for me, or a succession of them. Going back would be like taking a class again: pointless if one has not failed.

The challenge now is to see the way ahead. The trail is difficult and there is fog. You are fortunate if life seems mapped out and straightforward. I'm more like Frodo after three years back in the Shire. I've walked amidst sufficient darkness that I want to head to a place of light and beauty.